How “Quiet People” are Often Misread and Misunderstood

If there’s one thing to know about quiet people, it’s that your first impression of them is probably wrong. Yet, if there’s one thing that society carries with great conviction, it’s that they have quiet people sussed.

Noising Up the Quiet Ones

As a culture we are frightened of silence. We are scared of the quiet ones. We are desperate to “noise them up” (the closest I could come to the opposite of “shut them up”), or at the very least feel bad about their softer toned nature.

Many people get uncomfortable when there’s a “quiet one” in their midst. They make judging statements, shrouded with a question mark: “well you don’t say much, do you?”, and “why are you being so quiet?” as if there is some plot being hatched within the devious silence.

No one can know why you’re quiet until they get to know you. If they take the liberty of telling you you’re quiet, then they shut the door on that possibility. This has probably happened to you; where you’ve had your tendency towards space, thinking time, and the resulting external quietness, pointed out. Perhaps by a teacher, a boss, a colleague, or an acquaintance at a club or organisation.

Double Standards

The question “why are you so loud?” is rarely asked with the same kind of universal condemnation of someone who loves to talk. Gregariousness and noise, while sometimes inappropriate, are not met with the same level of discomfort for people as quietness. “Why don’t you keep some thoughts to yourself?” is seen as rude, whereas “why don’t you open up more” is quite an acceptable request.

Society assumes that it already knows why quiet people are quiet. The assessment usually boils down to one of two things…

Quiet people are either anxious or rude:

  • Shyness/Social Anxiety (you want to join the conversation but you fear making yourself a social outcast by saying something stupid)
  • Intimidation (you’re intimidated by the people around you, and shrink back because you don’t feel worthy)
  • Disinterest (you are bored and don’t care or think about anyone else but yourself)
  • Judgement (your silence is judgement about the things being said, and you believe yourself to be above these people)

But as introverts and highly sensitive people well know, reality is a lot more complex than this. Everyone experiences shyness and intimidation from time to time. We would also be lying if we said we were interested in every conversation we’ve ever been part of.

But quietness, when it stems from your natural orientation to the world, is a default way of being. It’s your starting position: to listen before speaking. Understand before voicing an opinion. Experience before expressing a response.

When introverts and highly sensitive people have their quietness pointed out, two things happen. First, it’s like saying to someone that they’re covered in skin. “Well yes”. And secondly, it gets beneath that skin, and makes them feel like there is something wrong with them. They start to question their nature, and wish they were different.

They believe they are broken and need to be fixed, so search for solutions. And in this quest they alienate themselves from themselves, tearing apart that most natural bit of themselves, which is foundational to their very being.

You don’t need a solution. You need understanding and acceptance.

Just remember that it’s the quiet ones are also the innovative and creative ones. They are the observant ones, who notice the things that others overlook. They find answers to problems that no one else can hear. And they have been responsible for creating much of the most beautiful art in human history.

Quietness is a gift in a noisy world. It’s not something to question. Only when you know a person deep down will you recognise the differences in their quietnesses. You don’t need to point it out. You may just need to be there, if they need or want to talk.

It’s not your right to make someone talk. It’s your right to hold silence until you have something worth saying.

Over to You

Have you ever had your quietness pointed out? How did it make you feel? Please leave your response in the comments below.

78 comments
  1. I was quiet during a convo about gun laws which I’m not well versed in…sometimes when a topic is beyond our scope of knowledge or interest its best to be quiet and just listen and learn something..

    1. That’s very true, Dee! I also find questions a really helpful way to “speak up” (if I feel like I want to) in those situations. Deepen the learning and help others explore their own scope of knowledge. It helps us see…do people actually understand this or are they just more certain in their opinions?

  2. I once had my quietness pointed out by a girlfriend whom I had been going out with for about 6 weeks. She had barely begun to scratch the surface of getting to know me properly, and yet was happy to declare to me that “you’re very quiet” despite the fact that none of the people who knew me well described me in this way. I pointed out to her that describing me as very quiet is simply an inaccurate generalisation. Yes, sometimes I can be quiet and sometimes I can be talkative. It depends entirely on the situation.

    1. It’s dispiriting when “you’re very quiet” is used in that kind of all-encompassing, generalised, judgemental way. As you say, “sometimes I am quiet and other times I am not” – WHO we are is not HOW we happen to be in those different situations.

  3. Hi Andy,

    how can you have a succesful career in the field that you like while being quiet?
    People, sometimes, think that you are not clever or skilled enough, which is not true.
    This has always been a problem for me.
    I have to try harder than loud people to prove myself and i am really tired of this.

    Thank you
    Natasha

    1. Hi Natasha,
      Thanks for your question. It’s a really good one! I’m going to outsource it to The Haven community because I’m interested to know what other quiet souls would say in response. Feel free to send a message (andymort.com/contact) with any more details about the field/job you’re in.

      It’s so weird when quietness is judged as incompetence or a lack of skill/intelligence. So often it’s the quiet ones holding places together and keeping things running in ways that aren’t recognised or appreciated.

      I’ll let you know how people respond to your question!
      Thanks,
      Andy

  4. Thank you, I am not shy but really enjoy my own company and quiet time. I do listen and talk one to one but have difficulty joining a conversation with several people.
    Recently I overheard someone criticising me be about this.
    I sent them a link to your post.

  5. I’m so glad I didn’t stop reading. At first I started analyzing myself thinking I hope people don’t find me rude . The part about not being good enough made me sad. Thinking of situations that made that true.

    Then you switched it back and reminded me that us introverts have some great qualities and it’s ok to be quiet and be yourself. Your people know you.. ♥
    Thanks

    1. I’m so glad you carried on reading, Ava! Your people know you. I like that. Yes, embracing and enjoying the quiet as part of ourselves. Thanks for stopping by!

  6. I so love this article. Thank you. I have heard that I’m a nice person but quiet or you’re a nice person even though quiet. Or she is quiet but when she’s on it she’s on it whatever that means. But the most hurtful is that I’m self righteous and think more of myself than is necessary all from being quiet. This lead me to studying books on body language and non verbal communication just as you said it made me feel broken. I have since learnt to embrace my quiet nature, enjoy it and appreciate those who understand me.

    1. Thanks Chris! I’m so glad you resonated with the article. It’s so strange to hear you’re nice “even though” you’re quiet. I’ve heard that too. Bizarre back handed compliment. I hope you feel less broken now and can continue to embrace and enjoy who you are in your quiet passion. Sounds like you’re doing a great job! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  7. I have been told my entire life that everyone’s impression of me is being quiet. When I was younger, my family always said I should grow out of it when I am older, so how else am I supposed to perceive it as something other than negative? It makes me ashamed of who I am and that I need to be changed, but I can’t help feeling uncomfortable around people I don’t know. Around those who I am most comfortable with, I do talk more but I am still not the one doing most of the talking. This has become an insecurity of mine that I am now always anxious at social settings, and when people comment on it, it validates my insecurities. I just feel that people are judging me based on these quiet interactions but as I get more comfortable with someone, they will be able to see the real me.

  8. I was quite my whole life but then I met my boyfriend and he did not act that everyone else in the world. Then I had a daughter, when my daughter was 4 she stopped talking as often as she used to and tons of people tell me I need to take her to therapy but I don’t want to take her to a place where I feel uncomfortable

    1. Hi Samantha, great to hear from you. It sounds frustrating to have so many people telling you what to do with your daughter. The change kids go through as they develop a sense of self and character emerges can be confusing for people. Strange how quickly people jump to therapy. Conversations about feelings and needs are a helpful start. Without interrogating or judging, just hearing what’s going on for your daughter. For example, rather than “why are you so quiet”, gently observing and inviting, “I noticed you didn’t say anything when John asked that question, what was happening inside you at that moment?” I hope you manage to figure things out in a way that feel good to you both.

  9. I have frequently been questioned by my quiet behavior/personality . I am quiet as a result of childhood emotional neglect (CEN) , I describe myself as a loner , but have never been lonely .

    1. I had a meeting with a new friend. I am ab extrovert actually and I love being among the crowd because I get my motivation and energy from them; however, when I meet a person and have hours to spend with them, I am very quiet. I do realize things a lot in my surroundings and that person every detail but I do not have anything to speak with them usually. Rather to save myself I ask questions from them but I rarely speak because I have no idea to share and I am kinda afraid from their judgement about me and whether by my speaking I get embarrassed and say something stupid.
      I am also a writer, I am very emotional and very sensitive. Because today my new friend pointed out to me for the second time why I did not speak much and I had nothing to say for it just feeling more worse. After that I have not felt good with myself, I became too disconfidant and question myself why I cannot do it.
      There is one thing more, my mind is always occupying with something or someone. Especially when I meet people, I can’t easily focus on anything for the rest of my day, and week! The events are coming and repeating in my mind and the picture of people. Although I have been practicing very well to not become nervous of meeting people, today by meeting my friend though not nervous but still very quiet to talk, so now I can’t study and for that reason I was listening to some music to cure my damaged feelings and self doubt, but it didn’t work. So, I reach out to Google for help to a good answer to my questions. This text really helped me to feel better!

      1. I very much understand where you’re coming from, the feeling of not quite being able to be in the present moment and have something to say is the worst experience! I often question my self worth and abilities because of these experiences. I just want you to know that there are like-minded people out there who value your traits and appreciate them 🙂

  10. I love this article! My silence has been being pointed out to me my entire life and I have never heard anyone explain it this way. Brilliant! Thank you!

    1. Thanks Janelle! So glad it spoke to you in this way 🙂 I hope you might draw strength and a little bit of gentle rebellion from it the next time someone points your silence out to you!

  11. This brought up a lot of memories of my youth, when my quietness was constantly made an issue of. I can’t agree more about the awfulness of trying to force yourself to be ‘less quiet’. Those were by far the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. Gaining enough confidence to speak when you have something you’d like to say is important, but beyond that you should embrace the level of quietness that suits you.

    1. That’s so well put, Andrew. Focussing on gaining the confidence to do what you want (speaking up when you have something to say), and otherwise allowing and embracing the natural quiet to just be. I resonate so much with those memories of your youth!

  12. i really liked this post for the pun in it. being the quietest one amongst siblings, was always told i was different, then that became strange, then crazy. unfortunately such people hold back to the extent they can but there is a limit to everything. and when there is an outburst not a single soul amongst those who would ask to speak up would actually want to listen to the end. in olden times the quiet were known to be the wise, but today they are mum dumbs. if you stay quiet you are too aloof be part of the group, if you speak who is there to actually listen? well i guess being observant, introverts realize the people’s capacity of listening thats why they keep quiet for the sake of peace, around and within. its not just tiring but suffocating too for not having enough space.

  13. Most times around my neighbourhood,I hear quiet whispers about how I’m being quiet all the time like it’s a crime…..if there’s something negative one has to say about me is that I don’t talk,as if I’m deaf and dumb, sometimes when I hear such comments it makes me boil inside of me, like I should reply them, telling them o go to hell,then I keep calm and tell myself it’s not worth it.
    They even go as far spreading this misconception and it makes people less likely to relate with me…
    Sometimes it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me…and these people saying these things about me are mostly the grown up male folks that’s the most annoying part of this….
    Truth is most times,I run out of things to say, even to bring a topic to discuss among friends, except someone else starts the conversation… which I have less of considering my environment…, again I have a problem maintaining eye contact when talking to people…
    In this part of the world where I come from,or in the world women are known to be talkative and judgemental, but here in Nigeria (my country) men have also taken up the norm…..
    ANDY,IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

    1. Hey Okini. Oh I’m sorry that’s been happening. It’s so frustrating and infuriating to feel people judging you in such a way. Especially when as you say, you have nothing to say. That’s fine. A position to own. A position of strength in fact. To not feel like you have to speak all the time is a really subversive place in our world of constant chatter and busyness. The talkative judgemental position is not limited to one type of person here in the UK either. And no…there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with you!

  14. She’s a crazy one, completely out of control (said contrarily). Don’t let her out of your sight. Speak up! I didn’t realize you had a voice. I thought when we were first introduced you didn’t even care I was in the room. I couldn’t figure out if you were just shy or a snob.
    Well people, those comments hurt. I honestly try to make a good first impression, but I have to actually try. I rarely k ow what time say. It never comes easy. However, building relationships is important to me.
    I hear everything, rarely speak up & know more than I ever share. I cherish the quiet & see an opportunity for peace. Quiet need not be awkward, it’s kind of amazing.

    1. Oh yes those sarcastic comments! Awful. So patronising and belittling. It’s great to hear you own the quite inside of you – the opportunity to bring your peace to a world that really does need to know when to shut up. I hope you are able to find a calm path that allows you to build those important relationships without compromising your quiet peacefulness. Thanks for sharing, TK!

  15. It was recently pointed out to me “why are you being so quiet” at a luncheon where my partner had invited two sets of friends who had not met before – I had met both groups and had gotten on well with them. I don’t know what triggered my shyness but when it was expressed it made it worse. I tried to engage but when I spoke I felt I was not contributing to the conversation. I just struggled to think of things to say that related and felt awkward to have attention put on myself. I was happy to listen and let others hold court but when it was pointed out I felt it was a problem – that something was wrong with me. I had the feeling that my shyness (I suffered terribly at school with it) was damaging my friendship with the groups. I am now depressed and feel that my partner is less interested in me as well. I am not contacting them until the negative feelings about myself pass.

    1. Hi Robert, sorry that you had this experience, it sounds so familiar. I find the mixing of worlds really difficult (bringing groups together who I know but haven’t met). When conversations are happening it is quite comfortable to listen and allow it to continue. But having the ‘quietness’ pointed out just makes it awkward. I don’t know about you but I prefer engaging one-to-one or with small number of people. I’ve also found that asking questions is a good way to keep conversations moving without attention/spot light shining on myself.

      There are many potential reasons for quietness. It’s frustrating that people feel the need to point it out (perhaps because of their own insecurities). Quietness is scary to people! Sometimes it’s worth considering, ‘what WAS it that caused me to be quiet in that situation? Am I good with that? If so, great! If not, what would help make situations like that feel better in the future?’ This can provide something to experiment and work with in future experiences. I have worked with people on this in coaching – essentially raising awareness about whether or not something feels good to you personally rather than allowing the judgements of others to dictate how you feel about yourself.

  16. I get called quiet a lot. I don’t know why I’m like that, but I always have been. Whether I’m with family or certain friends. I do like being around extroverted ppl tho cause I can be extroverted at times but I need time also to myself to recharge. Around a certain group of ppl I’m more talkative but I’m always still the quiet one unless I’m not sober lmao. But it bothers me and I always question why I am. I’ve just always been a better listener than talker. I keep alot to my self and am very private. I guess this is normal to be this way? I always question it and it’s getting tiring. :/

    1. Hi Ashley, thanks for your comment. Yeah that sounds thoroughly normal! It can be frustrating when you want to be more actively involved but you hold back for some reason. It’s a natural part of our social rhythms. It sounds like there are people with whom you are more comfortable to share yourself and be open. It’s a powerful characteristic where trust develops in time and those connections are meaningful and deep. Plus as you say, the ability to listen is a very valuable trait! What does your quietness help you to do? I realised that it takes me a while to warm up to new situations and people, but it’s not always shyness (sometimes it is). Most of the time it’s observing, taking in information, and getting comfortable with my place in the environment. I get easily overwhelmed if I need to be outwardly expressive in an unfamiliar place or with people I’ve not met before. It’s exhausting! Self-awareness is the first thing (what does my quietness give me?) and then working WITH that to make those situations feel better for you.

  17. I get it all the time. It makes me feel bad when I don’t “communicate” like other people want me to. I try to be engaging in conversations but sometimes I think it’s not enough for them because people are expecting something out of you that is not you. I just try to be the best I can and learn from the interactions I have with people and try to do better.

    1. Hi Jessie, thanks for your comment! Well there’s no pleasing some people! Sometimes we can overthink our conversations too – I know I (and many other introverts!) can spend days, weeks, even years, re-living conversations that people have long forgotten. I still remember things I said 10 years ago and feel regret! And also feel the sense of judgement when I said the wrong thing or was unable to find anything to say. Trying to learn to laugh about those situations and learn something about myself from them! When you think people want you to communicate differently, what does that mean for you?

  18. People point out my quietness all the time , it makes me feel stupid, alone and broken or even undeveloped as a person. When someone is talking to me I take in what they say but it’s like my brain is always empty with opinion or interest and to keep a conversation flowing seems to be impossible it’s just none existent but I’m always happy in social places I like being in groups with my friends and just listening and laughing to what others have to say

  19. Well people will not automatically assume a introvert with SA has social anxiety when the majority still don’t know or understand what it means. They simply see someone as quiet. If I didn’t know I had SA back then, likely others wouldn’t either. Usually, it is passed off as shyness only. This is based on my own experience growing up 30+ years ago (80s and 90s) when there weren’t a name for it. But yes, I do agree with the assumption of not speaking publicly and the fear of it(not always the case) and people would find it rather off putting why many of us doesn’t talk as much as anyone else in the room.

  20. Yesternight I was passing somewhere and I heard one guy saying that “this lady is so young but she doesn’t talk” like seriously 😑!!! I just can’t talk anyhowly and to everyone…..This extroverted world sometimes sucks why can’t the extroverts mind their own business…

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  22. It’s hard to understand the extrovert world. When I am trying to be appropriate in what I say and I have someone attacking my introvert nature.

    1. It’s these little things that piss me off, fortunately I don’t experience a lot of these things, but I’m actively involved in researching people’s testimonies and advocating for introversion.

  23. A few years ago, I would have felt awful and tried anything to make a conversation with that person. Now, it’s mostly disappointment. Pointing it out is actually the worst thing a person I just met can do. It makes me lose interest in them immediately because that was basically them pretending they already figured me out from the first trait I let show. Like I’m some simple riddle on the back of a candy wrap. Stop generalizing, people.

    1. Exactly. I’m a highschool student, and my teachers are always leaving me little comments on my assignment or acknowledging that I should speak up more because I’m quiet. Same with my boss when I got hired, they noticed that I was quiet. Everytime they mention it, it makes me feel more awkward. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, but usually I don’t know how to start, or I think it feels necessary, or I’m not interested.

    2. I am a quiet shy person but when ever I am with the people I am comfortable with I can really be loud and unmanageable so I am somewhat amixture of introvert and extrovert as well . I usually need a lot of time to get to know new places, people or situations and may be a longer time than what most of the people usually takes in real,. Actually,i don’t know and most often during this point I am perceived by most of the people as an odd or depressed or out of the box person and this labellling makes me more uncomfortable and I just shut down myself avoiding any kind of further interactions with them.I feel that in that way it will be the easiest for me to protect my self and put my mind at ease. I wonder how people can be so easy to put the labels on others and why do they lack the empathy ?? I am brutally honest about everything most of the time in my life and this kind of labelled comments make me remind everytime that honesty and transparency makes u vulnerable infront of others so be happy on your own that is the best thing to do.

  24. Since I was a toddler, my parents used to tell me that they thought something was wrong with me because I’m too quiet for a child. Then only when I was an adult did they’ve come to accept that I will forever be that quiet person lol. They even stopped forcing me from going to social gatherings and I’m really thankful for it because my childhood to teenager years were really tiresome from all the forced social interactions lol

  25. It’s annoying when someone points out how you’re quiet, because for me, I’m either tired, thinking, or afraid to be called out as “rude” or “stupid” if I accidentally cut someone off or say something wrong. I try to force myself to join a conversation when I really feel like I need to speak, but what happens is I end up mumbling and not getting my point across. I hate it when my teachers ask me a question and I give them an answer, but they don’t hear properly, and either ignore me altogether, or they assume I said something and point out my “mistake”, but when I try to correct them, I’m too shy and scared to. Sometimes all my classmates raise their voices above mine and I don’t want to shout over them because I’ve been called “rude” for accidentally interrupting others, but they don’t get called rude for shouting over me, so I just shut up and listen, and I end up with a bad grade because I “don’t talk to others” and socialize and stuff like that. If I try to talk, they tell me to shut up because I’m “interrupting”. THEY DON’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING AND THEY TELL ME I’M INTERRUPTING. If I don’t talk, I’ll get into trouble for not talking.

  26. It has happened to me too many times for me to remember how many. At work. In my family. Among people I thought were my friends…etc, so forth and et al. It drives me effing bonkers! I need to see what is being done. Hear what is being said. Be who I am. It doesn’t mean I have to have a comment on every stupid thing that every person says. I want to experience my life the way I do. In my personal way. Just because I am different, everyone has to judge me? Not fair! I don’t point out how someone is always doing something wrong, instead I do it the correct way so that hopefully they will see how to do it in a more effective manner. I don’t judge you…so please do not judge me….live and let be.

  27. Unfortunately, loud people love to “noise up” introverts and ambiverts. It seems to give loud people entertainment and helps them to bond together in a tighter group. This happens a lot at work. Especially when the introvert or ambivert voices their displeasure by silencing, either purposefully or not, or loudly vocalizing in a “See, I can be even louder than you loudees!!” kind of way. Either way, it still doesn’t help.

    1. Thanks Whitney. Yes this is so true. With some people you just cannot win. It’s a situation I recognise. The only way I find to respond is to just take a ‘yeah, anyway…’ sort of approach. Can be really disheartening and belittling. Like noise is better.

  28. I honestly get it pointed out all the time. Most the time, “why do you talk so much?” “Shut up, you talk so much.” Weirdly enough get told those more then why am I so quiet. Probably because I have a smart aleck family as well as friends. When I was with my ex’s family they were the complete opposite from me. Always loud and talking all the time. They’d say the same thing. It honestly makes my anxiety worse. Everyone is now starring at me. Which is the reason why I didn’t talk so that wouldn’t happen. Then I get awkward as hell. Now if I talk it’s because you said something and if I say anything they may criticize me.

  29. this is so true.. people tend to trust the loud people.. but in an ambivert person, people wonder why some times they are so outspoken, and some days they are quiet.. little they know, most ambiverts are perceptive and loyal.. 🙁 no one takes time to know why they are quiet.. ._.

  30. The worse feeling, when someone you love misreads your quietness as though you are ignoring them, being rude, or “not telling them something” – when is none of the above. It could have been something so simple like (oh hey there I wasn’t ready for a convo yet, let me warm up) because I love that person I can make the effort for that person, but quietness is still my nature! I was happy all day, I got to speak with that person all morning. All of a sudden, I get the cold shoulder because my dear thought I was doing the same. I wasn’t.

  31. Once, an English teacher in HS exclaimed: “you always gotta wonder about the silent ones..”
    All eyes landing on me. Some people started making uneducated guesses toward me about why I was quiet. I honestly didn’t know it was hard for them to partially pick up on the fact that I was lacking desire to be there. anyway…
    It feels as though my inner world/dialogue slightly overwraps the moment being in its own kind. Hard to explain, typically. I’ve had a much different life than those around me. Be very gentle with silent people, and I promise, they will open.

  32. Honestly it’s very annoying to have someone point out my quietness. I literally be in my own world minding my business observing because I don’t have anything to say at the moment. I hate talking if I don’t have to, it’s too much energy and a lot of time it is WASTED so I think before I speak.

  33. It really makes me feel like I’m odd when people bring up the fact that I’m quiet. Am I supposed to be the entertainment or constantly talking? Those are questions I ask myself. Anyway, I am very shy but will ease up after some pleasant interactions. Most people don’t take the time though.

  34. Yeah, in school, people would always ask me if I ever talk, and that’s it. They didn’t really try to get to know me, and I was too shy to try to get to know them, so I felt lonely & left out a lot. I’m older now and it’s better somewhat. I actually talk to people sometimes, and whenever I even say hi to someone or ask them how they’re doing, I feel a small victory inside, because I feel like I had to fight my insecurity even to say something small like that. Sometimes, it’s hard though, when everyone else is talking and I’m not. It’s like being back in school.

    1. It’s alienating to be asked things like that. It really doesn’t help! Glad to hear that you have little victories now! It’s all about building little moments upon little moments. Just be gentle with yourself and keep on with those small wins! 🙂

  35. I was being called shy and quite by people around me when i was a child and my old teacher at high school said that i got problems of autism or sth. You can say most of asian people are quite but i think i’m in type of different situation … now i’m 21 years old and i realized that things which people had call me don’t change much because i still feel people around me getting uncomfortable when they doing somethings with me or even standing or sitting next to me and i have no idea why… I noticed that because i guess my sensitive at a very high level or maybe i’m just being over noticing. i felt that awkward in class, at school but i always express nothing but when being with my parents things are very different and i feel i don’t have to noticing anythings i guess because they are my parents… as i said people keep asking why i am not talking much or being so quite and i don’t even know why, the more i think about the answer to that the more emptiness i got inside… sometime i doubt myself to bring me down a lot of time because of the thinking there’re somethings wrong with me like why am i so complicated? it’s seem like everybody else understanding sth but am not. However, every morning when i wake up i choose to shut all the noise inside me and to keep going with the thinking that is the part of me, and the fact that people accepted it or not that’s not my problems. but also the fact that everybody don’t understand you except you are pretty lonely because i love to learn. i love to meet and watching people, i want to listen and i deeply care about people but it so hard to express like “normal” people…

    1. You are perfect the way you are sweetheart. And you’re not alone. Never apologise for who you are. Just always know there is nothing wrong with you and let no one ever make you feel otherwise❤

  36. I seem to want to hear, and maybe truly understand, the conversation to even see if it is something I want to place myself into. Often times, if I cant add value to that conversation, then its simply a waste of words. I have never been much on talking. So many times it turns into someone being evaluated, gossiped about, and sometimes that has been me.

    I try not to come across as rude, I’m not an angry person, but people tend to notice when I am “distant” or “off in my head somewhere.

    One of the weirder things about me is maybe I pickup on a persons “energy” more than the words they use. If they don’t line up… I’m looking for an exit to that situation really fast.

  37. It’s sad… it’s just so sad.

    “The weak are preyed upon by the strong ones.”
    That’s how it should be… but it isn’t.

    Most introverts are incredibly strong, smart… but they get outnumbered by the rest of the people.
    Most introverts are miserable because they’re not even given a chance to speak with so many voices screaming around them.

    Why are most geniuses so tragic?

  38. I’m both shy AND introverted. I had people call me antisocial (that word is misused so much), rude, and assume I’m angry or something. I do enjoy some conversations and going out, but by the end of the day, I need to recharge my batteries at home.

    Also, I don’t think I’m better than anyone.

    1. Great to hear your response Laura! I hate it when people misinterpret quiet as antisocial and rude. The “resting bitch face” thing happens alot – often asked why I’m being moody when really I’m just quite chilled out, and conserving my batteries! Always best to find solitude for ultimate battery charging!

      Thanks again for stopping by!

  39. Looks like all the quiet people here are too quiet to start a conversation about it (LOL! to myself in the silence!).

    As long as I can remember – back to early elementary school – I’ve always been The Quiet Man, kind of benignly ignored by most of my classmates, teachers, and everybody else, including my parents, the noisy ones got most of the attention.

    The people I call “noisy inside” – that’s most people – can overwhelm me with their noisiness, a little of that goes a long way. After twenty years of lawyering I was just drained by the constant interaction with noisy hominids, quit, became a truck driver, so I’m working alone most of the time. Better.

    I think a large part of the reason for that is that I just pay 10 times, 100 times maybe, more attention to everything going on around me, to everything people say, than most people do, I suck it all in, then I think about it, I analyze it, I have learned that I see and hear many things that most people never do just because they aren’t paying attention, too busy talking, and maybe I’m paying too much attention, it becomes sensory overload. I’m probably an HSS, and somewhat socially isolated. Haven’t dated anybody in 15 years, just don’t know anybody I want to go out with or wake up to, wish I did.

    On the plus side I’ve written dozens of songs and hundreds of poems and am currently spinning up my guitar chops and voice and material so when I retire in a few years I’ll be ready to land running on my next career as a singer / songwriter / poet. People expect musicians to be a little strange so I should fit right in.

    1. Yes!! What an amazing story. From lawyer to truck driver. I would love to hear more about how you made that transition. I’ve always thought the life of a truck driver must be a mixed bag! Loads of beautiful solitude…but then does it become too much?

      You must have a great relationship with the idea of work. That’s something I really relate to. Partly why I decided to become an undertaker – piqued my interest for sure! Sounds like you’re quite the creative force too. I bet that time on the road gives a great foundation for the ideas to flow freely.

      And yes, I guess us musicians can be a little strange! Welcome to the club! haha 🙂

      1. Andy

        Well, I was burning out, needed to do something very different for my own mental and physical health, looked around, the people I knew who seemed to have the most job satisfaction seemed to be mostly truck drivers, i figured I’d go drivering for 2 or 3 years and go back to the law, but the longer I didn’t practice law the less I wanted to.

        Somebody has to do it, but I don’t.

        Window time is good, you can think in peace, I spend a lot of time singing along to the CDs, learning 100+ American Songbook Classics now, think Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra, almost nobody is doing them anymore so when I retire from driving in a few years I’ll have a nearly unique niche. Like I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN, and THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC. A few of the songs I’ve written fit in that genre, the rest are mostly Western, think Marty Robbins, Ian Tyson, Sons of the Pioneers.

        I don’t do long haul anymore, Sacramento to SF Bay Area, so I’m home every night, or every day, so plenty of solitude, but not too much.

        The IDEA OF WORK.

        Nothing happens until somebody works to make it happen. If nobody works, nobody eats. Driving truck may seem simple, but it’s essential, if people like me don’t drive truck almost everybody else starves to death in a few months, I delivery about 30,000 – 35,000 lbs of groceries 5 nights a week.

        You may remember a small book on Zen called CHOP WOOD, CARRY WATER. A koan. The expanded version is, Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

        Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water, just onerous chores you’d rather not do. After enlightenment, you understand that chop wood carry water are acts of love, you give the gift of wood, fire, heat, warmth, cooking, and the gift of water, drinking, bathing, cooking, tea, to everyone who benefits from your chopping wood and carrying water. So even the simplest acts are permeated with meaning, even the simplest acts are acts of love.

        If we think chop wood, carry water, we realize that almost every job, no matter how simple, benefits both ourselves and others. Think dishwashers, without dishwashers millions of people would get food poisoning eating in restaurants every day. In the grandiose scheme of things, dishwashers are vastly more important than most politicians, dishwashers save more lives than doctors.

        So you’re a musician. What do musicians do? Good or even reasonably decent musicians are psychotherapists, often more effective than licensed psychotherapists.

        You go to a good concert, no matter how you felt when you go, you probably leave feeling better, maybe a lot better. Music can connect us with our feelings and dreams in ways nothing else can. Singing evolved before language, music is embedded deep in our DNA.

        I have a DVD of a Celine Dionne concert in Vegas. I’ve probably watched at least 100 times. No matter how bad I feel, by the time she gets through the first song I’m feeling good, it’s inspiring, exhilarating, better therapy than any therapist I’ve ever been to.

        Another good one, RIPPLE, Grateful Dead, Jerry Garcia, what a great song, or LOVE AND HAPPINESS, Mark Knopfler, Dire Straights, both superbly therapeutic songs.

        About 40 years ago I went to a concert in San Francisco with this woman I’d never heard of named Jessye Norman. I didn’t go for her, I went because the first half was the Sibelius Symphony No. 4.

        After the intermission Seigy Ozawa came out and introduced Jessye Norman, who was making her first American appearance after 8 years studying in Paris.

        So she comes out, this beautiful black woman wearing this beautiful red antebellum dress, and it all begins, Wagner, LIEBESTOD, love-death, and when it was over the crowd gave her a 14 minute standing ovation, I timed it. Jesus Mary & Joseph what a voice!

        Nothing does that to people like music.

      2. For me there is never enough solitude. I’ve always thought being a lighthouse keeper would be the perfect job for me, if such a job existed anymore.

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